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I remember how, during my high school days, I eagerly looked forward to the first day of every new school week. Apart from spending quality time with friends, classroom fun with favorite teachers & subjects, or creative experiments during arts & craft, it also meant the class teacher would decide which student gets to write the ‘Quote of the Week’ on the blackboard. Every evening, I would flip & scour the school diary at home, skimming through the quotes printed on the bottom line of each page, looking for the perfect one to write.
But it wasn't just the thrill of being chosen to write on the blackboard that excited me. At certain times of the long school day, my eyes would drift from the teacher and her written white words to the quote written on one end of the backdrop. It made my mind wander off the teacher & stop focussing. As the words glistened on the blackboard, my mind silently read - ‘Honesty is the best policy’, ‘Silence is golden’, ‘Live and let live’ and what not. A stream of thoughts thus initiated as I struggled to make sense of it’s underlying relevance to life. Sure, it wasn’t difficult to understand the meaning. However, it still managed to keep me baffled about its importance in my life or anyone else’s.
One particular week, when my turn finally came up to do the honors, I went ahead promptly and wrote on the blackboard - 'Forgive and forget'. It took me under half a minute to write the words on the board that day. And, it’s taken me over 2 decades & countless experiences to unearth it’s true significance. To this day, I still question the quote - ‘Unpleasant emotional experiences can scar us for life. Even if we are able to forgive a thing of the past or a person or an experience, do we or more importantly, ‘can’ we ever really forget ?’
There have been instances where I have been answered back at, where people have - unknowingly or on purpose - hurt me and never repented their actions, times when everything seemed to fall apart in my mind, when I felt helpless and yet nothing I did helped me. During such times, the aforementioned quote always stood out in memory and made me ponder - Is this achievable in real life?
We always share our deepest secrets, struggles & worries with our close friends and / or family members. Likewise I have had my close ones share their struggles with me.
If I ever happen to have a magical touch, which can make impossible things happen, I would wave my magic wand instantly and...
- help such a person get over the emotional hurdle / situation that he / she is facing and get rid of whatever it is that was bothering them in the first place.
- get them to meet a close friend or family member who wholeheartedly supports them in contrast to people who have let them down. By doing so, I believe they would regain lost strength.
- help release any grudges or negative thoughts. I am sure once the negativity is taken care of, it would also naturally facilitate in forgetting the past and in particular, what has happened.
- stop the person from overthinking, losing mental strength and from losing trust.
Long after such a chapter is closed, it still reels in some of our minds and ensures we place our next step with a careful deal of caution. And no matter how strong a person is, when such experiences take place, even an optimist can skip the silver lining.
Don't you think the world would be a much better place to live in, if everyone could just whiz past the bad experiences and start afresh at the whisk of a wand and a hint of magic ?
Easier said than done. If only there was an straightforward way to achieve this. Being grateful, reading positive thoughts, and meeting positive people also helps but everyone needs just a tad bit of magic in their lives, at some point or another.
Tell me, what are your thoughts about learning life's lessons in a hard way ?
Do you really forgive & forget ?
Yours' truly,
It is very difficult to forgive and forget. I try and practice this a lot but cannot achieve 100%. You know.. i also think sometimes that i could erase the problems in someone's life with a magic wand as i feel very bad watching the people who suffer and are helpless.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Mahathi. Truly said ! Since it is difficult, that's why I feel a little bit of magic may help us all recover from the event. Personally I have been able to forgive but not forget always. Guess it takes time to accept and adjust to the situation. :)
DeleteI believe it is possible to forgive but it takes a very long time to do it. Same goes for forget although that doesn't happen as easily as forgive. The key to that, of course, is being content with who we are. Then, forgiveness and forgetting come a little easier to us each time.
ReplyDeleteYes Shailaja. Like you rightly said, in the past too, I have been able to forgive someone but never forget the issue. I guess each time, I have also let the situation affect me and my mind which is why I am unable to let go easily. :( But I am trying to change that and not let the situation get the better of me. :) Thanks for visiting.
DeleteI find it very hard to forget even when the dust has settled down and every one moves on. Learning to forget.
ReplyDeleteSame here Ls. :) It is difficult and definitely takes time. Over time I am sure we will reach a point where we shall no longer care as our piece of mind will be more important to us. ;) Thanks for visiting.
DeleteI can't forgive and forget. It really hasn't worked well for me at all. If I forget, it happens again. Forgive and move on with caution maybe.
ReplyDeleteUntil recently, I too had the same thought Suzi. It's the 'happening again' that made me not forget the issue. And since I couldn't forget, I was the only one not being able to detach myself from the situation. I like your last thought though - Forgive and move on with caution. :) Thanks for visiting.
DeleteThe simplest of quotes are so tough to practice, isn't it? This one is a classic example. You're right. Forgiving is not he said difficult as forgiving. That takes a long time.
ReplyDeleteYes Tulika. Another short quote that always managed to stump me was - 'Silence is Golden'. How could one be silent when you actually need to be there for someone ? :)
DeleteA lovely thought! For me personally , I choose to forgive because it's much more better for my own sanity that I forgive and not hold grudges. But to forget. I don't want to forget.I think that each experience is a learning. What makes me what I am today. So why forget that? It's not a pain that I carry but more of a lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteI like your way of handling the situation Uma and it feels right too. Very aptly said, every event of life, whether happy or sad, is not a waste of time and indeed a lesson so why forget it ? Thanks for sharing this wonderful thought and for visiting :)
DeletePowerful quote this one. I used to 'Forgive, but never forget'. It used to work for me for a while too. But now, when I am in a vulnerable state, I realize that I haven't really forgiven. And it is haunting me. I was feeling bad thinking how shallow am I! But then I realized another thing. Those whom I cannot forgive are the ones who never asked for my forgiveness neither did they ever acknowledged that they hurt me anytime. It's a battle for me. But I am learning to forgive myself now. Maybe, that will help me in finding peace, in fact it is.
ReplyDeleteLovely thought, EM. We all need that magic.
Thanks for sharing your experience and for visiting Vinitha. And please don't think of yourself as being shallow. I would say that you are very strong since you actually feel the pain. I totally understand what you mean - people hurt us and never ask for forgiveness or even acknowledge the pain they gave us. It's a battle to justify our thoughts versus fixing the situation. But my mother would say to me, since we have loved ones who depend on us for their existence and support, we need to look after ourselves & our health. Hence we need to only prioritize them and not care about whatever/whoever brought us down. It definitely takes time to practice and implement in real life.
DeleteFunnily enough I wrote a post this week about how we learn from our mistakes, so if we were to forget them wouldn't we stand still in life? Wouldn't we repeat mistakes? But at the same time I wish I could forget some of the hurts as they are hard to carry through life. Wonderfully written post #Fridayreflections
ReplyDeleteYes, I read that post of yours, Mackenzie. Wonderfully written and well-explained. :) Some of the hurts are indeed difficult to forget in life but they also contribute in making us who we are today. Thanks for visiting.
DeleteOh I find this so hard to do. I always tell people I can forgive but I can never forget. Does that mean I haven't forgiven in the first place? I think this problem is the bane of my existence...it impacts all my relationships because I will inevitably look back at the times I was wronged. Sigh. It'd be nice to have magical powers to ease that in some way
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking this week! Hope to see you more often!
Same here Sanch. Forgetting an event that also taught me some lessons is always unachievable. Having said that, over time I am training myself to forget only so that I can retain my peace of mind and not overthink as I would normally do. The unnecessary stress and overthinking definitely keeps me down for a very long time. Thanks for visiting :) And I too sincerely hope that I can be around more often ! :)
DeleteQuotes - I love them. When I was a teenager, I used to write them in my diary and I still have that one. It feels good to read all those I collected over years.
ReplyDeleteComing to forgive and forget, I have a funny thing to share. I forget first and that's the reason I end up forgiving. It works for me cos I don't have grudges with anyone in life till date. It's easy as my heart is light. Touch wood.
One life lesson that I learnt the hard way is that good things happen. Life will have hard days and they also do not last forever. Missed you around EM. Welcome back! BTW - June's Gratitude List is live :)
That's a wonderful idea to jot down the quotes, Parul. I am sure your diary must be a complete collection of wonderful thoughts and life's sayings. :)
DeleteIt's exceptional and truly great that you can firstly forget to help in eventually forgiving. You have the ideal recipe for happiness and I have tried my best (still am trying my best shot every single time) to make sure this works for me too. Unfortunately it is taking me a little more time do cope up. Thanks for visiting. :)
Letting go and accepting things are the two pillars that can really bring peace to us. We may forgive someone but taking the memory out of our heads and forgetting it altogether seems quite a task. All of us have those memories which we hide deep in our minds and suddenly an event or an objects occurs that makes everything of the past vivid.
ReplyDeleteThoughts on the other hand are a wonderful thing. I used to love them in my school days. We used to a thought for every morning and was always excited to find the perfect one and say it all loud!
Cheers
Geets
Forgive and forget - I have learnt to do it from my pet dog, Chikoo. They never hold grudges, ever. I have also learnt how holding on to grudges only ruins your peace of mind..so I try my best to forgive and forget and move on. Yes, the memories do stay and sometimes rear their ugly face and bring sorrow to the heart, but with time I forget those and try and look at the positive things - about people, about life.
ReplyDeleteHey just stumbled over the post, you have penned it beautifully, I think it does take some time to forgive and a lot more to forget! Of course I agree that holding grudges or pinning to the pain doesn't help, but time.. We must allow ourselves to get healed and surround ourselves with people who support and understand us, as you have pointed out. Great read! Keep smiling.
ReplyDeleteRegards
Prathibha